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(This novel is one of the many novels ans short story ideas  I have had  in mind and planning for many years, and this one will be a continuation novel, that will be finished in a very surprising way.....and plan is to complete it by end of 2010; so New Years Eve you readers might be granted  peace of mind  when reading the end...) 

The seed

He sits on his regular cafè as he always does either to work, killing time or looking for pretty girls, - an old custom from the time as a professional  photographer, with a luxury studio in Chiswick, West London.

  Poetry and lyrics for songs has taken over his time, and life – and cafès, airports, hotels and the like,  places  like those render richness of information and inspiration, of all kinds.

And that is what he does this very autumn afternoon   too,   when  a complete  change of his life is to commence very soon.  

   This time of the year, and time of the day - clock is ticking to eight -  citizens are home watching the news, and emerge some two hours before closing at one in the morning, depending of the day of the week.

So he is the sole guest   for the time being, and in compliance with his mood this evening, it suits him very well being on his own in this spacious place, that will be filled to the brim at week-ends.

 Today, Friday, is a typical   decrease of the   aforementioned weekday´s rush, and   at the same time and commencement of  the congestion of the week-end´s rivulet of guests  from the locals and from the passerby who  either stop over for the night, or drop in for the  amusement of whatever might emerge as such; male  drivers come for the ever desire and need of hunting women, that there are quite a few in the town and  who  are coming in from the suburban   areas.  At week-ends in all their  finery and seductively   as such.

And    what males know, is exactly that – where there are fish in the sea, males are fishing, so to speak.

It is cold   and   misty outside;  and darkness   increasingly is growing   by the   season of the year.

     The entrance door opens   gently, and   an   awfully   beauty  –  by appearance - is walking in.

So pretty that even Julia Roberts would have faded in comparison; well, that might be too risky to claim…. many would certainly say; and should it be possible to find out, she might even has an inside “appearance”  Julia Roberts, whom I think is one of those  actresses with brain and soul as well, on the contrary to Jane Fonda, he thinks for himself,  enjoying comparing different  famous people in the world, where some are just disgusting and others are brilliant…

She reciprocates his gazes with  the gesture like   a kid having-a-secret-way,  halfway   concealing her eyes by her long, thick dark brown  hair  sliding a pinch of straws with her fingertips  before the eyes; still  transparent enough to peep through the concocted camouflage.

She receives a drink   from the envious man  at the counter, trying to get her attention too, but to no avail, and he casts an irritated stare at Bobby, who has managed to – as usual – connect  his eyes with the girl, woman or rather, lady – it isn´t easy to characterize her significance as a female; she is so much a mixture of those elements of being  a kid, juvenile and  adult.

She´s  got many strings to play on – he gathers -  should she bother getting inclined to  indulge in the  those  fashions.

But she seems not keen on that business; there is no need for her doing so; the naturalness of her beauty and aura, is sufficiently saturated; tinctured with so much mildness and gentleness, works for her anyway.

There is an   innocence in her face that is reflecting something indescribable; something that makes one   mesmerized; that definitely makes  men´s hearts beating faster being present.

One could put a frame round her and suspend it on the wall as the most beautiful painting; Bobby totally indulge himself in thinking of his flame of love that left him as a  broken man, clinging to the idea,  that some day there would be a change in his life, by a very special woman walking in to his circle, somewhere, somehow……and  the words narrowly  escape the tip of his tongue when  he regains control over his profound  constellation of thoughts – ostensibly.

He was not even aware of   saying it; exposing his thoughts with the slip of his tongue.

And in the obscurity of oblivion of the contemplation of another thought of another circumstance or remembrance of life – his or others´ - he hears the voice of a woman, saying; Yes I would.

What?,  he says, being  flabbergast  of both his own question to her, and the  answer she gives him.

You asked me if   I would marry you, remember?

And I said I would, I will marry you.

That is what you asked me two seconds ago.

And I will.

I will marry you.

Now.

Today.

This evening

Ok.

Really, he begins…..not yet has come to terms with what now is happening in those split seconds of    his life….

Of   time   itself, he thinks to himself.

     Here I have been sitting admiring your person of beauty and  also trying to comprehend your character, and having asked you to marry me in pure audaciousness, and as a little fun of testing a strange situation, or rather making a situation to becoming  strange, and you reciprocate to me with an acceptance to wed me.

     Are you crazy, mad, funny, a joker – maybe a professional conjecturer, a woman being disappointed again and again, a man hater or what  - can you please  give me  some clues, please…

I think, I think….he continues, suddenly feeling absolutely silly and stupid and even  feeling  impertinent towards this woman whom he has never in his life met or seen  before, as far as he knows; can`t even remember that he had come across her in the streets or in shops or on transportation or anywhere either..

  I think I am dreaming…this cannot be true…Never….he thinks, and utters that to her.

And that in spite of our age gap   too;    I could have been your father, he continues…..

     Aborting   him from saying more   she   stating that she would very much like to be his daughter; and  she rapidly adds that she always admired elderly men; father-figure complex, she emphasized, hesitating, swallowing – again, after all those year of terrible loss of contact to her father -  being deprived him by her  devious mother´s  hatred to him,  and using her – the only child, me  – as a weapon to crush him, she recollects angrily and bitterly.

Too stupid even to realize that the one who really was crushed was her  very own daughter Rebecca.

 Me.

Swiftly drying away  some tears  that presses on  her  eyes, she compose herself, and looking at xxxxx feeling a little embarrassed, then facing his eyes, and being surprised of how surprised he looks…..clearly thinking if it is something wrong, certainly noticing her being on the verge of sobbing…but he doesn`t say anything,  just gaze at her firmly, not  taking his eyes of hers.

   The waiter behind the desk, seems equally taken by the whole ambiance of what is going on in his cafè  just now, and  looks like the biggest question sign in the world, flitting about with chores he concocts to fend off the suspense of the atmosphere…..

   After a long silence, and a suspense one could cut through by a knife, she says again, lowly:

Yes, I do.

My God, - life   certainly can be mysterious; or destiny of God may be, he utters with a low voice.

Yes, destiny of God, she replies quickly and quietly.

That´s right.

By twelve  this very day; this very evening,  we are a couple.

     So….?, she asks  by a gentle look and a serious gesture towards him.

 I know a priest from the congregation that I am in, and he is up late always, writing stories or services – so we just go there and ring the bell, it is simple as that, she tells him, so directly and with such a vigor     and graveness, that he is appalled to the very core of all  his senses.

Yes.

Yes, they   declare to each other simultaneously.

    And off they are, leaving a totally flabbergasted   servant on the other side of the desk, obviously have overheard most of the conversation  between them….  the man is absolutely in shock, and leaning forward on the desk with his one  elbow,  and running his hand through his hair with the other hand, seemingly inclining not  to believe what he has just witnessed.

   Closing the door behind them to the bar, is the final stage of his life,   at that place that he so many times has left with all kind of  emotions…….not realizing that it is also the very last time he ever goes back there again....

The   rise

That is the   background of   how the five children   came into being, that the further story is to be about.

Four   girls and one boy; four daughters and one son; all the four girls as pretty as their mother and  the boy as brave as the father; or rather audacious, - they  would say,  who  learned about this family´  life and time. 

   Joline, the youngest one, now   twelve years old, sits  curled up in the sofa looking at  the family album and  her  father´s funeral,  too young to remember him clearly, but she weeps even so, by the facts that her sisters  have told her about him.

She was only two and a half when he died,  from heart ache; -  he could never get over her mother´s passing, - leaving herself alive and her mother dead   during the course of confinement -   a nativity that began perfectly and normal - but suddenly deprived her her mother´s life of something medical cause that doctors could not really explain in the aftermath of the situation -

giving her all too much attention and care, bombarding  her with profound and intrinsic love every day and every evening.

She therefore vaguely   remembers his voice when reading to her and singing lullaby’s  by the bed.

Joline   is always preoccupied with the reasoning with her sisters and brother of her guilt of her mother´s death; why am I and not mummy, she repeatedly and recurrently questioned the sisters and brother throughout her childhood years.

Why me, why me?

Not her?

But it took nearly a whole life for her to receive an adequate answer to her ever yearning question that her life began   at the very same time as another – her very own mother`s  – faded.

     Losing her father too, did not leave her empty-handed with bereavements in her very young life, supported by smashing courtesy and caresses from her siblings – the  eldest, Shara,  now 27 when she turns thirteen in two months, being her major support and substitute of her parents.

   She became both the father and the mother in the same person; playing the rolls superbly, it turned out later for those getting to know Joline, - as the genuine result of the rearing she had received form her sister.

   Shara could have married many times,  with the string of wooers in her wake, every single day of her  leaving the house; traffic congestion one would call it, male drivers twisting their heads getting a climbs of this sylfide walking to  town  shopping, the  twenty minutes walk from the house just at the outskirt of the town, that is named Rudny.

    Rudny municipal has a river in its emblem; a pretty emblem showing freshness and   strong colours.

   Joline thought of that as it couldn`t have  matched more perfectly into her contrasted family – and herself.

But she chose to be single; dedicated her life and time to the local Salvation army, and became a devoted Christian after having had a vision the night of the   passing of their mother.

    Joline teased her recurrently that she had found a husband for her.

She made up husbands for her sister in all kind and shaped and form from her sheer  flight of the imagination - of a real man for her sister; - certainly   also a dream character of her own father.

But, fairly enough;  at least two of  those wish-to-be-husbands for her sister,  were  real ; they were fathers of her school pals, that also ha lost their wives.

    Shara did not rebuke her youngest sister on those yearning for giving or contributing to her betterment of life, as  Joline  immaturely then thought of the situation, not knowing yet how Shara was perfectly  all right without any intimate contacts at all with males.

   She connived all  childish teasing from Joline, and just fended it off if it got too stressing for her, by changing subjects or began teasing Joline for her school pals infatuation, that she had accidentally seen of a too exposed and open dairy beside her little sister`s  being preoccupied with something else.

    There were never arguing   between them;  Shara´s  gaze of correctness, if needed - that was very rare -  was enough for Joline to get the points, so no raised voices in the house between the two.

Another case was the  other two sisters and the brother; Sally and Jane, were constantly fighting over nothing and everything; but even in clashes they were reasonably quiet, though – because they knew Shara would not accept screaming and shouting in the house.

    Joshoua  was the  boy – or rather man, as he behaved like an adult -  of very few words and very many thoughts.

He was an easy going chap,   that kept himself to himself, preoccupied with his violin he had borrowed from school; and   all the contemplations over the loss of   first the mother and then the father….never saying anything about it to anybody, but obviously clearly to everybody of his bereavements.

    No need to assist him with homework either, he did all that at the end of   the day at   school, and hardly ever needed to do homework at home.

His mind was set for higher education.

   He  compensated  the loss of his father all too young,  with his unyielding determination to reach a certain goal in life,  that the world could learn from; -  he use to think.

He would not   expose or discuss  it  more than necessary when being asked what course he would set for.

    Both he and Sally  remembered the mother quite well, in spite of their very young age, Joshua and Sally were twins,  and five then when she passed, -  Jane had naturally no recollection as she had just gone one then; but only  claiming so,  after learning by heart what she intercepted from talk of Rebecca.

    Joline was the spitting image of Rebecca.

Putting the picture of her beside a picture of her mother later in life, and at equal age, they looked like twins.

   Life went on in Rudny in the two-storey, sun-yellowish  house just at the outskirt, beside a forest with tall and rich plywood trees…

Joline shared bedroom with Sally, her favorite sister, but jump into Shara`s bed when she was assured that Shara had felt asleep, clinging to her warm and fragrant body, and in the morning Shara  pretending to have know of Jolines presence, as she slept deeply when Shara got to go up very early in the morning, starting the chores of the day that was a huge task for her, getting everything in order for the whole family, that she was responsible for, at the end of the day.

She received great support from the eldest, and Jane was not very keen on house work, so Shara had to  be very cross with her some time, receiving outburst every now and then being a dictator; but ending in reconciliation and emotion  before bed.

For Shara there was a very clear rule in the house; nobody was allowed to go to bed  without having soled whatever argue that had occurred between them; sleep, she said, was the most important medicine for growth and prosperity, and problems would bother the sleep, - so everything stressing should be solved before bed.

   Shara    received a small amount of finance from the social security and for the spare time work she did at a local hotel when needed; she was on call,  and some four, five days a month, she was working there, as a domestic helper; maid, one would call it from the old days, but no longer is polite to use of such work.

     Getting food on the table for her sibling, and making certain that they were all right at all time, was  her major work,  getting them off for school, and helping them with home work if they were stock, which very rarely happened – luckily they were all very interested in any issues and subjects at school and they competed between them to be the best of the best, so that was not a problem at all.

   Joshua never had any home work, he had done that before leaving school, and the home work he had to do then, was aiding his siblings, if necessary  - but that was very rare as everybody was devouring knowledge with great eager and determination.

The Grieve

     Then   one day tragedy struck again, and left insurmountable  grieve to the parentless family.

As the police car rolled up to the entrance of the house, Shara knew that another heart ache  was under way to them -  enough tried  before.

And she felt that that was Sally who was in question, and she said it to the young police officer before   he got   any word spoken…

It is Sally,  isn´t, isn`t it?

It is serious, isn`t it?, she said,  hoping she was wrong, but her own sense of prediction along with the sense of duty raring her siblings, called to her all to well now, and her blood froze in her veins of her whole body.

 Sally, he started, is….. swallowing desperately while trying to find a way to break the terrible news to her sister Shara.

  The police officer  knew Sally very well, not only because of a small town where nearly everybody knew everybody, but she used to come to their house  along with his daughter  and play, yet  his daughter was much younger than her, they had found themselves company in harmony with each other somehow.

   He recollected himself and looked at Shara´s  eyes and said in the mildest way he could possibly manage to gain of this terrible sad  situation;  Sally has gone; she is no longer with us; she drowned on the day out with the class, she slid into the river on the ice, and the  force of the running water got her to the stream and she obviously has hit a stone protruding along the fall when she fell and knocked her unconscious, so she  was unable to swim, and she was a very good swimmer, he added, feeling clumsy and desperately fumbled for words to use.

   Richard, as his name is, could no longer manage to be composed, and burst into sobbing and wept openly  clutching Shara´s shoulder trying to  conceal  himself – and they both  stood there a long while in  silence, when tears flowing down their faces.

    Shara desperately  thought of  how to break this to poor little Joline, that she knew would totally crush her, and whispered it to Richard in tears of desperation;

How can I protect Joline from this?

How can a tell her?

Joline cannot take this, I know for certain.

   My God how can   I protect Joline from this, she said.

Richard was thinking quickly, as was his way of life by his occupation, and he thought that  he would take  his daughter and Joline with him to the mountain, where the family had a hut, situated on a skiing resort.

He said so to Shara.

I take them with me, and   during the course of the days he will break  the death of Sally to her, lessen the burdens on Shara´s shoulders, that yet again had been loaded with grieve, - and relieve her from the impacted that she had to deal with having to   reveal  the terrible  situation to Jane and Joshua that very day, and they might be very soon running up the  path to the house.

     Shara offered Richard to come in for coffee, but he had to decline as  he had to finish paper work for the  day before going home; putting the logs of calls and visits to the office for the record, and it could be very time consuming – but also finding it improper being here when Jane Joshua arrive, and he has to hurry to get Joline before she get to know anything.

   I´ll be seeing you this evening, picking up Joline  for the  trip, but he hesitated…again thinking quickly, and said, - no do not let Joline come home and find the brother and sister in tears and sobbing, I`ll go and get  her  when I collect my daughter and I´ll  take her home to us, and then we go tonight to the mountain, and there I will try and break it to her, and find a way to consulate her after she had  got to know of  Sally`s death.

It`s going to be tough, I know, but please let me do that for you.

    Thank you so much, thank you so very much, Richard, I feel it is not right not to deal with it myself, and maybe even Joline will blame me for that later, but at the same time I know that she will understand when I  explain it all to her.

Yes, Richard, I think you are right, yes, do; do it the way you find is most appropriate for you to deal with it.

 I am so glad you can help me, Shara says exhausted and in despair….

See you, Shara, Richard says, stretching out his hand to her, and  runs it over her hair in sympathy and compassion….

See you then, he says again, and look  at her eyes swiftly when retreating to his  own car to leave -  he chose  to use a neutral car when going there, not to wake any attention for her  neighbours.

Shara returns in the entrance door, waving her hand  till Richard is out of sight, and goes back in, sitting herself down on the chesterfield, putting her hand to her face, and wailing aloud in pain and anguish over this terrible loss of her sister.

  Then she thinks that she has to get composed  awaiting Joshua and Jane getting in at any time, and  hoping they have not heard anything about it on the way home.

Bad news travel fast, she thinks bitterly, as she thinks again, that they may have heard, - she will know as soon as she sees them in the doorway; she knows all to well her siblings nature and reaction of occurrence and  crises…..

The spring

Joline is overjoyed – far  above the moon – when rushing into the arms of her sister at her sister´s house, who  now lives in the secluded area of Scotland,  Inverness, on the farm she inherited  form a man who was a worker like herself in the Salvation army.

The man, Mr. McDonald, left everything for her, after her samaritanian work with his  now deceased wife, Molly; who really had a good time during the course of her  illness together with Shara.

Molly faded away, talking about chores of life and strive, happiness and sorrows, in the hands of Shara.

Alfred did not have any other inheritances,   except for the two grown children of his daughter Judy.

But the kids were more than well off, and they objected to the prospect of having any inheritances, when he  sought advice from them of their rights as heirs of the  premises, and his plan to give it all to Shara, who so  considerately  and with such great love had  nursed their  grandmother during her sickness.

His two nieces fully comprehended his   covet to gratitude Shara´s enormous effort in his home, and they themselves had thought of such a prospect, having more than enough  materials of all kind.

So that day the decision was settled and the will carefully carried out and  read out load by Alfred at the end of the funeral service of his wife,  in the guest house beside the country church.

Breaking the silence

   Richard walked to and fro the window, watching the beauty of the mountains  merging into two joyful kids playing in the snow, building funny figures, and   being double bent with laughter of each orther´s  concocted fun.

   The sun was setting, and an soon another evening   was about to end the day.

The shadows of the kids that moved on the wall behind them, had faded and gradually died with the  setting  sun.

On the other side of the sky a wee illumination of the moon emerging beautifully, and cast an enchantment mingled with  an odd and eerie sensation of an approaching occurrence.

      “Dying with the sunset”, Richard repeats for himself, over and over, and was desperate of finding ways and means to break the silence of the passing of Joline`s  smashing sister, leaving an empty desk and  a rucksack on the chair in the classroom – and a huge  void and the darkest sorrow for Joline who adored the sisters; and Sally was her  sister,  sister, and Shara her substitute parents; Jane was her second sister, -  as she illustrated all the members in a row and order.

    The brother, was just the brother; too introverted to be a father figure for her, and to mathematically bright to add up to Joline`s    imaginative     mind, making the most fantastic stories out of nowhere, and so actual that anybody would believe it, hadn`t  it been for the fact that they knew she was a little genius, who always  made people happy, in one way or the other; and the locals love her, so to them she was just, Jolly.

   It got to be very soon now, Richard repeated for himself; but he thought it careless to spoil her night, that  certainly would be happening after she would learn about  the tragedy.

He   made his decision of telling  her in the morning, being alone with her, getting his daughter to go for something outside, getting her out of the way for some time when he had to consulate Joline,  whom  obviously would break down in desperation.

      He knew that Joline would be alerted when Kate was asked to do something, not including her in the mission, so he had to think of something to distract her and get her focus away from Kate´s leaving the house.

With these   considerations in mind, he drifted into sleep that night, with tears running down to his pillow.

Poor Shara,   having had so much on her young life; adding this to her impact, - that is not at all fair, he thought bitterly.

    Casting himself from side to side on the bed, he eventually fell  asleep, but dreams were queuing up to hound and pester him throughout    the night….whereas  a strong stream of a river resounding harshly towards him, so he could not hear his own voice, when he was shouting out  aloud to a child on the other bank….

The dream flings him clear awake, sweating and breathing with anxiety,  getting himself awake enough to know that it was just a dream, and he needs the rest for the continuation of the night, being able to cope the next day.

    But as soon as he closes his eyes, Sally´s  dead face at the mortuary, hounds him again, and he cast himself from side to side on the bed, knowing that the next day – in very few hours ahead – that even worse is to come; breaking this terrible news to Joline, that her angle to her on earth, had passed; Joline adored her sister Sally, and I knew it  the same way as Shara had said in the doorway, that this would crush the child totally, and he was the one who had to  deal with that disgusting task of telling her, and how would he do that in a way that Joline  would not be pushed over the edge and hurt herself; being so desperate that she could do anything outside her sane mind; those things has happened many a time before, and Richard had seen that all too many times at duty as a police officer, and it is a very ugly situation, whoever it happens to.

Whoever is doing so.

Scotland

Joline jumps out of the car, and runs into the arms of her sister, who stands in the doorway looking at the car coming up the driveway, that she had not seen for nearly a year, after she moved to Scotland´s highland.

So, what is this moonshine of yours, Shara asked Joline, knowing what was on the agenda for her, but pretended not to have the slightest clue.

    Joline flushed, that was a rare thing for her to do  in presence of  her very own substitute parent, Shara, as Joline wittedly  used to call her, as full of wit as she always was, special wits as  special as herself, and pointing her forefinger to her  stomach, moving it in circle,  like a child making a point, but is not really sure if that is the right thing to do….half-shutting  her eyes and slanting her head   as avoiding the focus of the very fact  of the event.

   Well, say it, Shara  told her; when did you get to  know, or is it something you are thinking as a possibility after having a session of love, Shara put it, trying to return a funny way towards a ever funny girl, that now as an adult of 25, clinging to her desire being a child, afraid of leaving  the warmth and protective capsule of  safety in her sister´s  ambiance.

Doctore, she replied,   pronouncing  the local  Spanish origin GP with imitating broken English, doctore….

Yes, and……

     One word,  - that was Joline in a delicate situation; she expected others to read her mind, like herself surely did, always returning replies to people, even before they had finished their question to her.

So, it is to be the Polish guy for you indefinite?, Shara asks her sister, having only told her sequences of  her relation with the chap she met in that very same cafè as her mother met her father  twenty-seven years back in time, resulting in Joline, and tragically  for some unknown medical   complication,  had to sacrifice her life for Joline, which subsequently also took her father´s life, who simply grieved himself to death over the loss of his wife,  that he could not have enough of when she lived.

    Yes, Joline in rapture replied, having yet not come to term with the fact that she was soon to be a mother herself, estimating the time of delivery   to be in July.

   It really is a memorial place for my mother, having connected to my man at the same place as hers encounter with dad, she philosophically past it  to Shara, in her same mysterious way as always.

Hope it does not  resulting in the same fate, as hers,  when  the day of delivering comes.

Shara  looked at her in the same corrective way Joline knew so very well from the childhood days,  when Shara had to give her that  do-you-get-the-point-look, and she felt  a little embarrassed saying so; don´t   be dippy now.

     I think it would be rather opposite, Shara said to consulate her from that underlying anxiety that she obviously – for very good reasons – felt, and that Shara resolute comprehended, when she put it like that, but would not tell her directly of her apprehension, your mother would wish you the best delivery in the world, as her sincere gift of remembrance to you, don´t you think.

Yes, Joline  said in a very low voice; a voice of apprehension; - adding that she was afraid of repetition of her own birth.

Don’t be silly Shara said; I´ll be there with you if you want me to, and then nothing out of the ordinary will be taking place, ok.

 I promise.

OK!

Joline seem more composed  by her sister´s  consolatory   words, and regaining  her spirit she was in when entering Shara´s house and throwing herself into her sisters arms.

So, tell me about Darek,   how  old is he for a start, you never told me that, only that you met him at the same cafè as mum and dad met.

  Joline looks at Shara the same way as she had always did when something extraordinarily was in question…..

Come on, Shara said, you are not approaching deliberately   the parity of mum and dad, hey?

How much younger?,

Shara asks purposely with a calculating wrong question, love to see her sister´s funny gesture reaction….

Younger, you like, duplicating the “like”-adding-thing, she had read about in novels of   the Northern England´s dialects.

And by the way……she says, hesitating   looking on Shara´s awaiting face for a continuation of the by-the-way-word   from Joline….

Yes, are you telling me something funny again, now?

I have…….

…found you a husband, Shara  aborted  her and continued  her sentence for her.

Yes, I know my sweet little Joline.

If he is not the King or Prince of some country in the world, I am not interested.

Yes, he is the king, Joline swiftly replies.

Yes, and which country is that, the Joline fantasy land, yes?

   No, he is the king of want-to-be-Shara´s husband-ring; you now the long string of   the wooers, you abandoned for so long.

    Why will you   be alone, Shara?, Joline asks,  turning her topic into a  serious  inquiry towards her beloved sister?

Why, Shara?

     I am too old now, Joline, remember that I am some  more years older  than you are?

Don’t be silly, Shara, you are the one who just reflected on age gaps and relations….remember…

Please, Joline, I have   made up my mind of those questions a long, long time ago, and can´t you give me a prince, prince that is what it is going to be…she   tells Joline,  just to fend  off further discussion on the term, being a little droll about this prince-king-joke.

Ok, Joline says in audaciousness and stubbornness; I will find you a real, real, real prince, ok – you just see. 

    No, Joline, not either with a prince or anybody, I   am to be like I have always been.

King or Prince does not make any different, you know that; the quality of beings lays with God alone.

    I am serving God, and to be doing so, I have to be pure in flesh, and poor in thoughts; relations as such may – I say may – impure the   genuine spirit.

So, I am less worth in the face of God?,  Joline infer..

  No, Joline, no, no, no,  absolutely not; please do not think that way at all, that is not what  I am saying, I just tell you that the work I am doing  needs a  person able to persist the resistance of  the strength of sexual desire; it takes a lot of strength to fight those desires; you certainly know that.

   And I am not either saying it is something wrong being obedient to those God-given, natural forces, and you know that too, you just having been informed by the   doctore of your conception.

What I am saying is such elements of desires interfere with the   constant work and commitments  to  God.

Joline falls into oblivion by those profound contemplation and explanation from Shara, and says to her that she will  make much thinking on the issue that she has received form her, and return to the subject later some time.

      Joline gives her her left hand´s  ring-finger three times up before Shara, and nods her pretty head  forward  and backwards thoroughly and slowly to emphasize the fact of the age gap.

Shara, smiles  the sweetest smile for her sister, knowing very well that she cannot do anything about it – and would not do so either of course -  since obviously  true love has struck between them; she knows that Joline would be most careful about her choosing of a man.

    Only if you do, do,  love him and he reciprocate  your love  genuinely, it´s ok, years and age are  two different things, she adds, emphasizing  that she has no objection at all to her sister´s choosing of husband, even so or so, as long as within the normality of everything, whatever normal is, she adds inquiringly  for  herself.

  If he is sane and loves you profoundly, Joline, I will be delighted of your choosing and I will be supporting you whatever happens to you, should it not be as you think, or is certain  about today; or if something emerge for no foreseeable reason now.

We have not been the most lucky  family in the world, as you know, as if there is a queuing up for more, I would not be surprised; one get used to even disasters, to pain, whatever unfair it seems, and  even there are loads of more terrible pain and disasters to others in the world, it does not help us should the grieve struck again…

    Everybody is dying individually, I read once from a Jew who said so, when media repeatedly write about massacre in the concentration camps and the extinct-attempts of all the Jews. And that is correct – everything that  happens to an individual, is individual; every person has its very own universe.

Nobody is obsolete.

Nobody.

The brother or the sister, the neighbours, the ones we do not know of; they are all very valuable to somebody, somehow.

    Johnny Cash said to the prisoners in Tennessee prison, when he perform for them, and before he sung the song of Jacob Green – who hung himself in his cell, after being locked up for possession, and stripped of everything – somewhere, someone out there will care, when you have got to the very bottom in life. 

Yes, Joline, my little sweet sister of mine, I will support you whatever happens to you and if you will be in need of support of any kind.

You know that.

Should an avalanche   come and devour everything you have, I will be here for you – always…as long as I am.

   Joline sat in silence and remembered her very beautiful childhood with her sister`s enormous care and love   for her   on every occasion.

  Without favouring      her before the other siblings – not at all, but she was the youngest and she had the constant pain of being guilty of her mother`s death, so, in a way, she was treated differently simply because she became so vulnerable when getting to know  and understand that her mother died in confinement.

  That was really hard – and still is – for a child to comprehend. The person who should most obviously  come along with her as a baby,  suddenly  had her life cut off.

But luckily dad was the solid surrogate for the loss  in most of the ways for her,  and the genuine father as such -  those important months of a baby`s  life.

 And exchanging the care with Shara – and also the other sisters and brother – she was in a way spoiled, but not in the sense of exploitation, absolutely not; there was – and still is – a perfect balance in the family, has always been, and will always be, she thinks to herself, jerking out of oblivion by Shara`s  calling her from the kitchen, where she now has started to prepare the supper, waiting for  her gardener to come in  and join them, as he used to do recurrently.

    Dave is coming for tonight and staying till tomorrow, she says, wondering why Joline looks strangely at her of her information – well?, she says, noticing that Joline  looking suspiciously at her….Oh, come on, Joline, looking at her growing belly, - I would not tease you now, are you mad, Joline – those days have passed now.

  You are with child, and that is what it is, now teasing of other men, thanks. You are tided up now; morally, physically and personally, so…..she ends, saying no more on the issue.

Dave is ok, he is a nice bloke, and he is what he is, she says.

That is, Joline asks.

I say no more, Joline.

You are the one who find out about things and people, so if you have any kind of interest to find out about Dave, you do that, I will not be  telling you in advance.

   He is ok, and he is clever helping me on the premises, cutting crass, and digging pipes in the field, draining  the field to get better pasture.

Why do we have this silly contemplation of Dave, she adds…

I don`t know Shara, - I suppose it is the old custom we cannot get rid of from the early days in Rydny.

   I wonder how the house is now, Shara, Joline changes issue, asking Shara if she knows anything about it.

Joline, please, later, I don`t want to talk about it now, - I thought you knew…

What? Shara, something   good or terrible happened to the house, she demands, tilting her head as she had always done, when questions to Shara was directed seriously and directly to the point.

   Joline, please not know, let us join the supper together with Dave, and make the evening very calm and tranquil, - and tomorrow I will tell you everything about it, I really thought you had known about the people who bought it…..

Joline does not pursue the query any further, and thinks it is just something with money and mortgage or in that field, and leaving the issue, also to satisfy Shara wanting to have calm of the initiating  eve….

   What is TLC Shara, casting her eyes on an article in the local newspaper that lays in front of her on the table,  Joline asking Shara, getting on the teasing track again, fending off the straining situation about wondering what has happened to the house in Rudny.

TLC? – Shara repeats, - I don´ really know, TLC, is that in connection what we have been speaking about now, - yes, knowing you that well, I know you now are contriving some release of the strain, right?

Oh, yes, Shara, continues, with her brilliant brain and quick thinking, she had  seen that  constellation  that journalists have started to use in a hilarious way, when describing a situation.

    Yes, I know what TLC is – why the heck do you ask about that now, she asks Joline, looking at her with a teasing smile on her lips.

Do I need that, you think?

Do you, you  little…!!!  snotty child!!!, she rebukes Joline,  starting to laugh.

It is, isn`t it?

What, Joline says, teasing her for who of them will   decipher the abbreviation.

Tender Love and Care, right?

That is what TLC is, right.

Do I need that?, she complains,  turning her laughter into an innocent smile, hiding ambivalence  and sorrow in her eyes, even her, the strong sister who had come to terms with most in life…

    You never give up, do you,  doing lots of effort to get me a partner, thinking I need that sort of comfort, but dearest little, big, weak, strong sister Joline, she says in a poetic and some kind of blaming way, I just do not need that, I am perfectly well with my life as it is; has become, she  swiftly adding.

    Connecting – attaching bonds -  to others means loss and sorrow, somehow, some day – getting used to   on-my-own-li-ness, is not the same as loneliness; solitude… you can see that, Joline.

I am ok.

 I am all right; I   like the quietness; the tranquility; the spirit of twilight and eve; you know when birds stop singing, and darkness quench the shadows  of the trees in the garden; that is a tranquility that I want to be alone with – on my very own; every individual has thoughts and contemplation, experiences and adventures that nobody else can comprehend – not even the least of it.

   I have not the same yearning as you have; your are here for a reason, as I am, and everybody is; I might be called pretty, yes, I heard that many times from males, often; but I am not  what the world call sexy or erotic, simply because I do not have those desires of sexuality within me; - I can tell you  now, Joline, as an adult, and a pregnant woman, that we could not talk about before, and I am confident and happy with that, talking to you about such a very difficult issue, because I know you understand a lot – and you have been a thinker as far back as I can remember you sitting and thinking and contemplating in every situation; and I was watching you all the time; looking at you  and admiring you  your beauty and calmness, knowing all the time of your problems and strive to come to terms with being the child of a mother who died because of  you.             

    I know all that.

But be confident that your very mum and dad   gave you all those qualities you have got, and be happy for that, and do not think that your gentle wishes for others to experience the same as your ability to   enjoy your appearance, apply to others in the same way.

    Rejoice Joline, and think of this, and I will   now read this very beautiful poem to you, that has meant so much to me when times have not been at all that pleasant, and it is called Time, and written by  Henry Van Dyke:

Time is too slow for those who wait,

too swift for those who fear,

too long for those who grieve,

too short for those who rejoice,

but for those who love,

time is eternity.

You should think of   those words, Joline.  And I am sure that you have; you would be able to write those words yourself, I would think……

You wrote a lot of poems during adolescence, yes, even as soon as you were able to read and write, you did….

Yes, true, Shara, and I wished I had been more devoted to collect them  so I could  read them again…

I did.

You did?

Yes, I collected all of your poems, and during your stay with me here, I will give it to you, and we can go through them together.

Did you really, Shara? Gathered the pieces of papers that was flung anywhere in my room and over the hole of the house.

Oh, Shara, come here…give me a huge hug.. Joline  says to her sister, with a lump in her throat, and  wet eyes  reflects form the setting sun that casts the last few rays through the window, and outside turning  shadows of any objects into long poles across the field.

 It is not like that.

You  have got it all; prettiness from any angel.

Intelligence  and abilities rarely to the most

Talents

Yes, you certainly are blessed with qualities that can  give you a fruitful life….

I lost my mother, Joline, murmurs….seeing no more as she notice Shara, gets a firm look at her face.

Yes, and I will lose you, if you continue to nurture that loss…

Meaning….? 

Joline asks with a inclination of her head to shoulder fashion….

You know what I mean, - to not nurture that loss of your mother any longer; keep it as a very bad and tragic memory – if anybody can call a tragedy a memory as such – and treat it like that, no more no less.

Soon you will be preoccupied with a new life, and then you will come more to terms with that situation that has  you had all your life, I am certain of that, Joline, you just see….and it will change my life along with that too.

Why, Joline,  gestures toward her sister?

You like children very much….

Exactly!

Now I will be an aunt, see….

You are an aunt already…

Yes, again, I mean…it is a little different to be an aunt to your child, - in a way, Shara says, lingering on the sentence.

Why different?

Yes, you know, to me you were like my own child, since you were just a baby when I had to start taking care of you and look after you…so it is just that feeling of rather having a grandchild than that of a   niece..

Why niece; why do you say niece; it could be a nephew, couldn`t it, I don`t know that because I don`t want to know either if I could.

I just have this feeling of that`ll be a niece that`s all.

You will see in…. how far ahead is it?

     Well, it should be about   Christmas according to the expertise, Joline says in her usually funny way of uttering herself when she wants to emphasize something.

And that will change my life.

But you will be  so far away from us.                                                       

By distance, I mean, Joline continues…

Moving?

Shara, speculates?

Well, that is what I have been asked to consider…

Oh, - well, if that is the right thing to do, do.

But of course, Joline, I would have loved to have you as near as you are now, so I could   baby-sit every now and then.

Well, you might do even so…Joline hesitates…and regrets that she said so, never has told even her most reliable person on earth, her very own haven in life, Shara, about her abilities to sense transcending sensations.

     What do you mean, Joline?,

 Shara now demands to have explanzgion from her, as she feels there is an apprehension in the air, and that the   ambience suddenly got very strange.  

Tell me Joline, is there anything,  that I should know that I do not have a clue about, even about you?

Well, no, I was just thinking that if  I couldn`t cope somehow with a baby, you would be the one who really could, remembering how you reared me brilliantly.

Oh, what should that be?

You mean an avalanche coming and devour you, as I was funny about before.

Don`t be silly again, Joline.

I will be there when you are delivering I said.

It is not that, it is….

It is?

Tell me, Joline….

Don`t murmur but tell me, you can tell me everything, can`t you, I, your sister whom I thought  knowing  everything about, -  don`t  I?

I can`t explain to you, Shara.

I am not able to explain to you.

But I think – feel – that you will be my child`s    foster mother.

That is what I just feel, I cannot help it, Shara.

   What on earth are you telling me, are you crazy Joline, you cannot say those things, nothing is going to happen to you, I tell!

Do you hear me, nothing will happen to you.

    Please, Shara, you know more than that; you know better than that;  you  know life can change in a split second, and one change can change a lot – yes, change everything, Joline hesitates.

    Remember when Richard took me and his daughter to the mountain to tell me about the drowning of Sally, did he ever tell you what happened then?

   Now, not in details, I asked him a couple of times  or so closely  how he coped with that situation, but he did not really want to go into it, - yes, in fact, he was very elusive and equivocal when I asked him to tell me about your reaction, but he wouldn’t.

But I did not pay more attention to it, as I was more than happy that he obviously had managed to break that terrible news to you in a very gentle way.

I also though that it was so painful for him to recollect it for me, that I did not pursue it any further – and I never did later either; I decided not to ask him anymore, but rather let him disclose it to me if he felt so, some time.

Well, it wasn’t like that, I…….

Yes, Joline, you?.....

I am not prepared to tell you now, Shara, please, let’s   not talk about it now.

Some time I know more than you   can imagine, and it is some times terrifying and scaring to me…..

I have always been like that, you must have understood. You must have sensed something, when I  came up with all my strange ideas and fantasies to you, and when I gave you correct answers to things, that you though I  had concocted, just for fun.

  Do you remember the stray dog, which always came around to us in the evenings,  looking for food  in the garden or around the house and premises, - or even for care and caress from us….as he obviously wasn´t wanted or even neglected form the owners….

Well, yes, I do…..

Well, so one  day we said to each other that it was strange that he did not come around anymore. Do you remember what I responded to that, do you?

Yes, Joline, but that was too far fetched.

No it wasn´t  I really did see he running along the rail and did not manage to get off the rails before the train  came.

I really saw that dog crushed under the wheels of that train that evening, and you will be able to read about it  somewhere in my poems, if you have collected all of them, though – I did write about  Craggy, as I named him, since he always was that, craggy.

I called him Craggy Lime, as he also was sweet; he had those innocent eyes.

Shara is amazed over what Joline is disclosing for her; indeed had she wondered about Joline having transcending skills, as she  indeed had realized that Joline came up with very strange not only answers and questions, but also contemplations and ideas, as anybody would put down to sheer fantasies.

Shara  is getting speechless and fixes her eyes on her sister, scrutinizing her eyes, and feels a shiver running through the whole of her.

Last night my mother said to me…

Your mother!!!  Shara  exclaims in  surprise over what Joline now passes to her.

Joline!!!

Please, distinguish between reality and   superstition, Shara, says to Joline in an inquiry way….

….my mother said to me, last night, Joline continues, having been awaiting Shara’s surprise that she expected…that  Liberty’s father would   depart this life sooner than I could imagine….

Who is Libery? Shara askes, in even more growing amazement of what Joline is telling her….

Oh, Shara, I have that same feeling that you said you have about my growing belly….in fact I am certain that that is a girl, and therefore I have form the very beginning of that feeling decided to christen her Liberty.

Joline, please, who else knows anything about your mind and thoughts of those issues?

Nobody, absolutely no one….and I will not tell anybody either; never; not a soul, Joline emphasizes to her sister.

Absolutely nobody, Shara asks again, feeling that that would not be of any good for her sister that people got to know about what Joline is telling her; she thinks quietly for herself, and think that only her own some times strange sensations would have been well enough for the most to hear about – not to speak of what Joline is telling her.

Yes, of course she had read about what is called psychics and the like, and heard about that here and there are locals having those ability of mind, but getting those heavy fact from her own little sister in clear and   grave exposure, is really profound stuff, that  even for her needs to be digested  firmly hoping to grip the comprehension of it eventually.

Oh, yes – of course – I lost the point, when  starting to tell you this….

Richard, he knows, and he was  much more surprised than you are, and also he became very strange, and he  took me aside and said to me that I should promise to him, that I would not tell his daughter or anybody else about it.

But why did you have to discuss this with Richard?

 I did not come as any shock to me, what Sally drowned; I was crying the hole night, before that happened, because I saw it was to happened, that Sally would not be with us the next day….

Clear this………………………………………………

And you will be lead that way, certainly.

    But please Joline, do not see yourself in me, because, if we like it or not, and rather should want it otherwise; we are two differently individuals; offspring of the same blood and flesh, but with individual minds, that everybody has; more or less depending on rearing and social situation.

Well now, we have to get ready for the evening, Dave will be in at any time now.

Would you please get the table ready.

Eve

Dave arrives and hug  Shara as he always does on his arrival, a nice custom that everybody should practice.

Shara notices that Dave is casting too many gazes at Joline; and takes him aside in the kitchen when Joline is not  realising it - she would not have liked it to be having an emotion secretary; Shara would rebuke herself - and tells hiim that her sister is taken, and that she knows for very certain that she would not be interested in Dave....

Dave gets upset, as she thought he would be, and emphasises that she is not telling him because she thinks he should not advance to her sister, but because she knows all to well that  that is a total waste of time, and also only will add emotional  burden to him on top of those from before; "I feel I can, and had to, because I know you so well over so many years, and please do not feel resenment towards me because of that; I only wish you well; you know that...

Everybody is attracted to Joline; every male who would be in her nearness would be; she is a magnet; but she is taken; and she is also very preoccupied with a new  forthcoming event...

With child?. Dave askes...

That is what I think, Shara replies not willing to disguss that matter further..

Yes, and what is the topic between you to; Joline says as she enter the kitchen......

Oh, just the gardening stuff, Shara hurridly replies and return to the cuttlery.......

..................................................................................to   be continued.......

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